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This just made me laugh. Tried to get big enough so you could read the warning to moms in bottom corner, but alas I don't think it worked.
Anyhoo back from a well needed but not long enough vacation and now I must return to work. Wish me luck.

Spring Break

Just wanted to make everyone (that cares) jealous. Because I am working on being an ass like that. So, we are going to suprise the kids with a spring break trip to the beach. Yea!! Oh, shhh...Kids still unawares. Planning on great weather and beach.

Have not lost the weight I would like, but did look decent in swim suits I tried on with catdog helping me by getting me different sizes. Nice that kids are big enough to do the running while I am trying on clothes. Did have to go to the "big" boy section and get him a shirt though. Hmmm...will think on how I let that happen.

Anyway looking forward to a break and a Margarrita on the Beach!!!!

Before I forget

Why I love March...by Lulu.
-I love March because it means spring is coming and I am a late spring to early fall kinda girl.

-I love March because St. Patricks Day is way to much fun. Green clothes, green beer, green people, and I get to pretend I'm Irish for a day. Who wouldn't love that?

-I love March because I believe in Leprechaun's and I am due a pot of gold.


-I love March because it usually involves spring break. Not that I get a spring break but it makes for fun pictures for me to see on you tube.

-I love March because I plan to go to Ireland one day. For all the views....



-I love March just because I'm like that.

Lulu

Song that makes me SMILE!!

Reminder Girls of why we diet!!!

So no matter "how much fun" they say they are having, it is a lie!!!

Promise (all the girls repeat this, please): " I (your name here) solemnly swear to never, ever in a hundred million years, will let my friends look like this, nor will I ever say they look good in a bikini if it is not true. May the good Lord strike me dead at that very moment. And as Double D says, if I am in WalMart at the time drag my dead body to Nieman Marcus.

Diets....YUCK!

Ok, so why I did not take Salty Pink Pixies advice and do the vodka anorexia diet, I have no idea. Alcohol would be good right now, but since I am in day 3 of this torture, it would totally screw up some glycemic index I am suppose to have.

The main problem seems to lie in the fact that I really don't know anything about this 5 day diet that is some way to train me for when I go on some 3 hour cruise that lands me on a uncharted island with no hope for rescue. Or that is how I see it.

For those wondering, this was today's meal plan: Shake, vitamins, bar, shake, bar, shake, vitamins, 1 veggie and 1 fruit. That's it. Why I thought this would be "ok" I have no idea.

So today is day 3 of 5. Goal is to just live through it. Maybe I can lose a pound or 20 if lucky. Which is why I am doing it so I can fit in my Lucky jeans and say damn I look good.

Pray for me and my friends that we live through this and do not pass out at the wheel on our drives home from lack of food. Amen.

Latest Read

So since I do not sleep and only every once in a while read something of substance, I have a new book (finished actually, surprise) that I actually laughed aloud. This was really hard since it was 2 am. Oops. Anyway, friends at work were talking and so I start trying to retell this moment. I promised to put the exact quote on the blog so they could truly appreciate the humor.

As usual, romance novel about the 19th century with balls, and gowns, and mistress, and theaters, etc, etc. So very handsome duke marries cute young lady. Said duke thinks he can leave new bride in the country while he continues to enjoy his life in London. New bride does not agree and comes to meet him. (Are we all together still, this is the quick version)

Duke does not like that bride in town and provokes her hoping to have her high tail back to the country. New bride does not play that game. (Now we are getting to funny, "scene" so to speak)

Bride at theater with other women while Duke at theater with huzzy. They see each other and then Duke starts to rub the huzzy in the new brides face. While they are talking and fighting, duke says "the lady who accompanies me is rumored to have some remarkable talents". (A dare if you will or a red flag).

So new bride in front of everyone raises her voice a little too loud and responds with "Does she stand on her head when you swive her. Please, do tell me it's something I can aspire to. Perhaps I can quote Ovid while nibbling on your cock. Although I imagine it would be even more of a feat if it was in the original Latin. Not your cock. Ovid."

(As you can imagine) New bride removed from theater by furious duke with many bystanders. I don't really pick a side (maybe sometimes). But I thought that was pretty funny. I was actually thinking she could be one of my friends for sure. Maybe that was why I thought it was so funny. It was a "holy cow, did she just say what I thought she said" moment.

So there you have it. Things that make me laugh while reading. Should I worry anything is wrong with me. Nah..I still think it was pretty funny.

Bored!

Seriously

Ok so I have my all famous "awe"manac out. Which was given last year, but it is noted dated by the year, so it can be used over and over and over. Well back to the post...Today, Feb 15th this was the "dose of Mirth"-

"Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come." - Matt Groening (Cartoonist and creator of the Simpsons).

So why couldn't I find this in Valentine card format. Hallmark should pick up this stuff. Couldn't you see Maxine telling this. Anyway plowboy did good this year. Beautiful necklace (wink, wink) and dozen roses.

Just excited that St. Patty's day is next and I don't have to do anything other than drink. That's what it's all about, right? Well, don't tell me even if I am wrong. Just let me look forward to my own illusion.

Later.

Future Trip? Anyone?

I am tired of cold weather. I am tired of not having a passport (which has it's own story, that we will not dwell on today). I am tired of saying I want to go places and don't. So I have read too many Ann Rice novels and am so in love with all the characters that I want to go to New Orleans. Now. Today. Book my trip.

In reality I am very unsure this will even happen. So I think my friends who read this should plan a trip. Double Dog dare me not to go. Then I will go (reverse psychology will work on me. I am that easy sometimes). All involved will then be happy.

So everyone should be looking into this. I am and I think a weekend trip...say March or April would be awesome. Yes gals I did say this with conviction. I mean it!!

Now someone make this happen.

Oh Shit Mom, it Snowed!!

Well this was what catdog said a couple of years ago at the wee age of 5 when we got our last "big" snow. But now we are in the 15 state triple threat (according to Weather channel) and they were right. 4-6 inches of snow. So planning on sleding, building snowmen, and staying warm. Loving it!!

When is Vacation?

Everyone has a bad week or day at work. Around here they are the "new Normal" and a good day is every once in a while. So unsure which actually occured today. Really just don't want to talk about it. Which leads to four letter words and alcohol. So when is vacation, because I think I need to be planning one or three or four.

Mad Hatter Day

It is what it is and what that is I really don't know. So today (and possibly any other day I choose) is Mad Hatter Day. There is just this feeling of "very, very, unbirthday". Quite confusing to have 10 different thoughts and ideas and not being able to pin any of them down. So instead of tea I have my can of diet caffeine free sundrop and instead of a big hat and mismatched clothes (which I think my clothes match today) I have on a pair of my Lucky jeans (why yes I am a lucky girl) and am offically calling today Mad Hatter Day.

You can call it what you want.

Margarittas ASAP!!

You know contrary to popular belief I do have friends that need to decide when our next AA meeting is. At this time it can be whenever and whereever. Please someone (don't we have a President of this group) needs to just make the executive decision and text the rest of us. If we do not have a President, then that should be on the agenda at the next meeting. Just don't let me forget.

Rewind

Ok so this is how I roll. Ahem...You hear David Lee Roth on the radio station on the way home, then you think Van Halen, then because your brain has more turns than freeway in Los Angeles, you remember the stupidest/funniest movie in the 80s that stars a dancing hamburger as superstar David Lee Roth. I mean who else could do that in less than 30 seconds. I am thinking I win the award for shit like this. If you don't believe just ask my friends. Enjoy the blast from the past.

Karate Anyone

OK so Catdog needs a little (I mean a lot, but I don't want to hurt his feelings or have him be a contestant in the next 10 yrs on Biggest Loser, well it isn't that bad)so anyhoo we have him enrolled in KARATE. Oh my, he is a little Bruce Lee crossed with Kong Fu Panda. Just imagine that combination. I started putting the cookies in the top cabinet so he would have to use some of his new skills. Just a thought but I guess I could hide his army men next. Might work.

Well even if it is exercise twice a week, he does seem to like it. And he also looks so cute in the Karate outfit. Since I am such a good mother I also make sure he has white undies on. I can't stand colored underwear under any white article of clothing. Please people stop this and I am including everyone besides those who go to Wal Mart.

Back to Catdog. He is working hard and we are having fun. That is all that matters.
He even has earned a new belt or is fixing to. Go Catdog or whatever your suppose to tell Karate Kids. I guess something like wax on, wax off. I don't know.



It does almost remind me of a long lost twin....

From my fav cartoon - Savage Chicken

Funny but this cartoon is exactly how I feel right now about said job. Only problem is that I think new job would be just as bad. So I thought this gave as much positive thinking to the problem as I could handle at this time.

Snow Day

OK I will not tell a lie. It is cold and we do have snow. But people we live in TN and when I say snow, I really mean ice and cold. People in TN can not drive in snow and ice. All the milk and bread have been bought over the last 2 days from every store and supermarket. Again, people in TN become idiots in snow/cold/ice weather. I feel bad that we are being made fun of as we speak by anyone who actually knows what a real snow is.

Now I understand where they came up with the saying colder than a witches titty. I mean it is cold. Average about 10-15 degrees F. Brrrr.....

Welcome 2010

Well since I am being a total pain and not blogging, I have decided not to even say I will be any better in 2010. Well, I might try to be a tiny bit better. I am just planning for the worst and hoping for the best.

The best will be actually doing a blog more than once a month. I have really enjoyed blogging and I have become obsessed with some favorite bloggers. Which means you guys deserve some award for holding my non medicated A.D.D. type personalty enthralled (clap, because I did have to look that up. Regardless of the year, I can not spell worth shit)

So Hello 2010 and goodbye 2009. You really weren't so bad.