Reminder Girls of why we diet!!!

So no matter "how much fun" they say they are having, it is a lie!!!

Promise (all the girls repeat this, please): " I (your name here) solemnly swear to never, ever in a hundred million years, will let my friends look like this, nor will I ever say they look good in a bikini if it is not true. May the good Lord strike me dead at that very moment. And as Double D says, if I am in WalMart at the time drag my dead body to Nieman Marcus.

Diets....YUCK!

Ok, so why I did not take Salty Pink Pixies advice and do the vodka anorexia diet, I have no idea. Alcohol would be good right now, but since I am in day 3 of this torture, it would totally screw up some glycemic index I am suppose to have.

The main problem seems to lie in the fact that I really don't know anything about this 5 day diet that is some way to train me for when I go on some 3 hour cruise that lands me on a uncharted island with no hope for rescue. Or that is how I see it.

For those wondering, this was today's meal plan: Shake, vitamins, bar, shake, bar, shake, vitamins, 1 veggie and 1 fruit. That's it. Why I thought this would be "ok" I have no idea.

So today is day 3 of 5. Goal is to just live through it. Maybe I can lose a pound or 20 if lucky. Which is why I am doing it so I can fit in my Lucky jeans and say damn I look good.

Pray for me and my friends that we live through this and do not pass out at the wheel on our drives home from lack of food. Amen.

Latest Read

So since I do not sleep and only every once in a while read something of substance, I have a new book (finished actually, surprise) that I actually laughed aloud. This was really hard since it was 2 am. Oops. Anyway, friends at work were talking and so I start trying to retell this moment. I promised to put the exact quote on the blog so they could truly appreciate the humor.

As usual, romance novel about the 19th century with balls, and gowns, and mistress, and theaters, etc, etc. So very handsome duke marries cute young lady. Said duke thinks he can leave new bride in the country while he continues to enjoy his life in London. New bride does not agree and comes to meet him. (Are we all together still, this is the quick version)

Duke does not like that bride in town and provokes her hoping to have her high tail back to the country. New bride does not play that game. (Now we are getting to funny, "scene" so to speak)

Bride at theater with other women while Duke at theater with huzzy. They see each other and then Duke starts to rub the huzzy in the new brides face. While they are talking and fighting, duke says "the lady who accompanies me is rumored to have some remarkable talents". (A dare if you will or a red flag).

So new bride in front of everyone raises her voice a little too loud and responds with "Does she stand on her head when you swive her. Please, do tell me it's something I can aspire to. Perhaps I can quote Ovid while nibbling on your cock. Although I imagine it would be even more of a feat if it was in the original Latin. Not your cock. Ovid."

(As you can imagine) New bride removed from theater by furious duke with many bystanders. I don't really pick a side (maybe sometimes). But I thought that was pretty funny. I was actually thinking she could be one of my friends for sure. Maybe that was why I thought it was so funny. It was a "holy cow, did she just say what I thought she said" moment.

So there you have it. Things that make me laugh while reading. Should I worry anything is wrong with me. Nah..I still think it was pretty funny.

Bored!

Seriously

Ok so I have my all famous "awe"manac out. Which was given last year, but it is noted dated by the year, so it can be used over and over and over. Well back to the post...Today, Feb 15th this was the "dose of Mirth"-

"Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come." - Matt Groening (Cartoonist and creator of the Simpsons).

So why couldn't I find this in Valentine card format. Hallmark should pick up this stuff. Couldn't you see Maxine telling this. Anyway plowboy did good this year. Beautiful necklace (wink, wink) and dozen roses.

Just excited that St. Patty's day is next and I don't have to do anything other than drink. That's what it's all about, right? Well, don't tell me even if I am wrong. Just let me look forward to my own illusion.

Later.

Future Trip? Anyone?

I am tired of cold weather. I am tired of not having a passport (which has it's own story, that we will not dwell on today). I am tired of saying I want to go places and don't. So I have read too many Ann Rice novels and am so in love with all the characters that I want to go to New Orleans. Now. Today. Book my trip.

In reality I am very unsure this will even happen. So I think my friends who read this should plan a trip. Double Dog dare me not to go. Then I will go (reverse psychology will work on me. I am that easy sometimes). All involved will then be happy.

So everyone should be looking into this. I am and I think a weekend trip...say March or April would be awesome. Yes gals I did say this with conviction. I mean it!!

Now someone make this happen.